Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My Higher Power is John Stamos
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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