I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize