I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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