Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
