I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
