bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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