I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
