why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
