so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
