eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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