do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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