I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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