you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
