For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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