my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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