She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
