It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
