I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
