Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
