seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
