I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
