Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
