me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
