16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm too high and old for this...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
