Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We have started to decorate penises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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