I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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