Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
