come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
