Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
