Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
