Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I believe in your delicious
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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