he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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