Kiss
Puke
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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