don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
