lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
