I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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