it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize