called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to sanitize my soul.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
