I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
