May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just google imaged poop.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
