I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i came on her dog
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
