I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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