Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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