we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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