She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
