I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
