I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
