Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is wine microwaveable?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
