i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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