you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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