there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
