Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
