Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
