I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This baby is an asshole
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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