A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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