Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
