Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
