she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize