Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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