just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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