hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
