Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
