a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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