Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
