Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize