ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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