i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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