Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
high people should be assigned attendants
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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