It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
