Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
