thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize