Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
