It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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