I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its about making memories worth repressing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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