Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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