Your mouth is God's brothel.
we made out on top of his cat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
