oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
