I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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