Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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